For the past pandemic year, I’ve been very blessed to be at home with my parents. Every time I thought a window was opening for me to return to New York, I had a complete inner world explosion. This led me to listen to the sensations in my body that were saying, “no, not yet,” and to continue waiting until there was further information or instruction. Over the year my impatience subsided into surrender and acceptance. My desire to know when–when will I go back? The fear of “if, if they’ll let me back in at the border?” Also gave way. Do I just live here now? (No, not yet, was always the answer).
Then, there was a window. It came from an inner knowing. A feeling that *now* is the time to go and I responded with action, booking a car, deciding to drive for the first time, and not booking too much ahead or finding a place to live in advance… just going. Trusting and leaving the power of my re-entry in the hands of the border guard and spirit.
Harrowing at times, I was allowed back in. It worked. It worked so well and I felt so in alignment with listening to myself for the timing that I realized all those other attempts of forced entry or fear-driven worry simply weren’t the right time.
Arriving back in Brooklyn, I stayed in the empty apartment of a friend who had moved out a few days before. This was the first place I stayed on my nomadic journey. A journey that started four years ago and in which I moved at least 170 times! To return to this place, now changed and the same, felt perfect. Like a completion of many cycles, especially as she was moving out too.
That night I looked for a place to live. Found one, and when he sent me the address it was further away than I wanted to be from my old neighbourhood. Again, I could do it, it just didn’t feel right. If I just went through all of this to return, I wanted to be in the right place for me. I slept on it, woke up, and listened again to the “no” and just as I did that, another place appeared! In the exact spot I had been dreaming of. Reading the post, it turns out I sort of knew the roommate–a street artist in town who I follow on Instagram! I told him so in my email and… within an hour, I had the place.
Why am I sharing all of this? A few reasons really, to let you know! And to share what it meant for me to be in a place of deep listening. To keep tapping into the intuition and knowing in my body and self. That knowing that each and every one of us has and, at least in my experience, often ignore.
Also, Lavender!!
As I was driving down (I took a week to do so), I was also writing Dreaming with Lavender and, to connect with her more deeply, taking baths with her essential oil dropped in the water. I didn’t know before starting to write with her that hers was the exact medicine I needed at this exact time.
Lavender exists firmly in the physical and spiritual worlds. She helps you to hone in on your vision while also helping you know what to do to bring your vision or spirit into the every day. As she does this, she also helps find ease, especially in stressful situations, internal stress, or restlessness so that you may have focus and the ability to listen and respond from a place of authenticity.
The night I was deciding on where to live, I saw and felt a palpable vision of multiple doors opening and closing quickly above my head. I knew I had to just pick one and jump through. I had to do it quickly. Now.
Lavender helped me to see this and tie it into what I had to do.
In Dreaming with Lavender, she has so much more to share with you–her spirit, medicine, folklore and through a special journey, you can connect with Lavender’s wisdom and see what she has to help you with in your life.
May you each find alignment and deep listening, when and as it serves you to do so.
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*The information shared in this post is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis. This post was originally published as a newsletter in June 2021.
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