After a month back in Canada, I returned to Brooklyn a week ago today on my first flight in two years!
It was strange how the experience of flying felt foreign and familiar all at once. As if I had never gone through the process before yet, there was a flicker of recognition.
This happens in a different way every time I take a break from teaching. Returning to the studio or the screen, I’m nervous. Feeling like I’ve forgotten everything and won’t know what to do. It never happens, and I always feel right back in it. Yet, even after all these years, the energy is there.
The same energy comes up for me when stepping further out of my comfort zone then I’m used to, only it’s stronger. A contraction in my heart, leading to a fast past breath, a closing off of my throat, a loss of sensation to my arms and legs. Nervous energy. Fight, flight, freeze.
Sometimes this is my body saying, “no, don’t! Keep me safe,” and it needs to be heard. Other times, most times, it’s simply fear. The thing about fear I’ve learned through my training with Carole Guyett is that it’s “only” an inner enemy and, the energy of fear transforms into beauty.
This was true of the most recent podcast episode that Mason Hutchison and I co-created. As we agreed to create one, he offered to put it on HerbRally’s new YouTube channel and I immediately felt the response described above, paired with a mild panic at this new reality. This shift in the regular way I do things. Every part of me wanted to shut it down. Fast. So that I could remain invisible, hidden, unseen.
After reminding myself that I was safe, and that this would be helpful practice, and good for both of us, I shared my fear with him and agreed. Eek!
This was also Mason’s first-ever podcast interview and it was a new stretch for him. He has shared in his newsletter and posts about his own feelings of nervousness and how it felt to have the spotlight on him, so to speak.
So there we both were, two people who have never met in person, both committing to move into fear.
And what happened? It was beautiful.
Mason spoke directly from his heart and shared about his journey creating HerbRally as well as a new course called The Art of Frugal Nutrition with honesty, integrity, passion and vulnerability. Listening to him, I forgot about the fears of being exposed/seen on the video and felt more at ease.
Listening to him, I felt the beauty pouring from him and all that he offers and it inspired me too. Energy feeds energy, after all, and it was such an honor to tap into the heart-expansive flow that is embedded into the episode. The thing I didn’t think about is that others can feel it too, when they listen. And a few people have commented over on the video, saying exactly that.
Which has been the whole hope for the podcast from the beginning… to speak with people who are stepping into their magic and bringing it into the world in any way. So that others can see how they are doing this too. Or, how to decide if they want to be.
With love and magic,
*This post was originally published as a newsletter in January, 2022.
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