Do you ever have that something you want to do or create and, for whatever reason, don’t? This list of reasons can be endless. Paralyzing.
I’ve been in this pattern many times in life, as I’m sure many of you can resonate with. Then… something… shifts.
It doesn’t always simply shift magically, though sometimes it can. Usually it’s when we come to a point of being able to venture into new territory. Maybe there’s a new understanding of safety, a new insight of longing, a point when the pain of not trying or changing or doing becomes so much that the only way out is to do something else.
Sometimes it’s a childhood dream. One that weaves in and out of our lives. One that we put on hold or look at as a thing “over there” that will never happen. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t.
Can you remember your childhood wishes for yourself? The strong pull towards something that maybe felt out of reach? How does it show up now in your life?
For me, it was a dream of being a witch (like the wise woman in the woods) and a writer! Both I discounted for a good part of my life as not possible. Until, I discovered, that they are entirely possible! And can be cultivated.
In the most recent episode of Majestic Wisdom Podcast, Catherine Calderon shares her deep journey and connection with horses. A connection that likely came in to this life with her and remained with her throughout her entire life even though she had very little access to horses. The call was so strong that she found a way and now has her own farm and sanctuary for horses. Catherine shares her life’s story and passion and talks openly about some of the challenges she’s met along the way and the healing that continues to unfold. Click here for more and to listen.
While sometimes this pattern can feel epic, it comes out in other ways too.
Even though my heart really wanted to, I’ve been dreading/putting off creating a website for the books I’ve been writing and for the podcasts. Mainly because of the amount of work involved. It felt daunting. As much as I wanted to have a website appear, I talked myself out of it over and over again for a year.
Then, about a week ago, something shifted.
All those months of thinking about it and talking myself out of it got to a point where I didn’t want to listen to that broken record any more. I wanted the books and the podcasts to have their own home. Somewhere they could shine!
I started right away and, though it was a lot of work and took focused attention and time, I had it to give. All of a sudden I felt like a midwife for the plants, for the writing that wants to come through yet (some yoga and mentorship books in the works), and for myself.
It took a week of focused effort that, with this change in perspective, felt effortless. Even the thing I had to re-do or figure out how to work, etc. the effort felt infused with ease. Flow.
Then, it was complete and released into the world! As it released, so too did all that energy that had been spent convincing myself not to. Once I was on the other side, it felt effortless. I laughed at myself with love for trying to prevent it. Likely, underneath it all, trying to protect myself in some way.
With this new website home out in the world and, thinking of Cathy’s story of uprooting to create a new home with the horses, I wonder about the significance of being at home within our dreams. Our impossibilities. To live on the inside of ourselves, wherever we are in the process. I don’t have any answers, and I know each of our life circumstances vary greatly… I’m just curious.