Today, I finished my first creative writing class, on my way to a master’s in the subject. It started in early January, rose up through the end of winter, and swept to an end. I was so nervous in the first class that I could barely speak. Nervous about having to participate, my nervous system flooded and felt shot through, heightened.
I was always a shy child and the school system I grew up through was not focused on support. It was focused on the “best and the brightest” getting ahead (whatever that means…) and the rest, not. It was founded on competition and standing out no matter what. The no matter what often meant casting others aside in order to stand out. To shine?
This fixed mindset was not conducive to growth, exploration, or true learning and it killed off so much of my creative spirit and Self. This fixed mindset never felt right to me and I pushed against it as much as I managed to do what was needed to get through the system. It never left me feeling shiny. In fact, it felt isolating, and like my light was constantly depleted or struck down.
As the weeks of class moved on, somewhere in the middle of the semester, we developed trust as a group. From that trust, support unlike any I’ve encountered in an academic setting before. Support of vulnerability, support of ideas, support of one another’s writing. With a strong container each one of us could go deeper, experiment, show emotion, and receive not ridicule or belittlement, as I’d experienced before, but acknowledgment and, even, love. This went all ways and flowed stronger and stronger every week. It went without us ever talking about it or saying, “this is how we want to work.” It emerged through our actions and ways of being with one another. The strong container we created together as a whole, collectively.
It has been a pool of support not because anyone has to offer it, or because anyone expects anything in return. The support has been so pure, honest. Simply there.
Today, I read a chapter from my novel to the class without a single nerve. Something that would have terrified me in the past. Now, I felt the shine. I felt it because when others read, it made me shine to listen to them share their work. My voice was steady, paced, in the flow, because I knew it was safe to be so. Safe to be seen and heard.
I share this because Dreaming with Sunflower also launches today and her spirit and medicine exemplifies these supportive characteristics of being and more. Almost always cultivated, Sunflower shows how to flourish within limits and she embodies true support through the sustenance her seeds offer and knowing how to live collectively, while also being tied deeply to the sun. Sharing in the energy of abundance.
She also helps moving through cycles of beginning to end; knowing when to start, when to sustain, and when to move on. It feels so appropriate that she is emerging as this class ends. The energy I’ve received and given in exchange through the class now gets to rest and germinate. Percolate. Become part of the next cycle, whatever that may be.
There is so much more powerful medicine, folklore, and insights that Sunflower has to share. As you contemplate what support looks like and feels like, or if you are seeking a fresh start, need to move out of stagnation, or want to be swept up in her myth, Dreaming with Sunflower will immerse you in her ways of being so that you may find what you need, embrace the cycles that come, and co-create with life.
Dreaming with Sunflower is available as an eBook and paperback via Amazon. I hope you enjoy dreaming together and that she helps you weave the web of support you need.
For more information, visit the book’s page.
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This post was originally published as a newsletter in May 2021.
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